I Gave Birth In Secret - Here’s Why I Would Recommend It
I get asked this question a lot when teaching my hypnobirthing courses “did you tell people when you were in labour?” and my answer is “no”.
Below, I talk about why I chose to keep being in a labour a secret and why I would do it again.
In 2018, 10 days before my due date, I went into labour.
We weren’t actually sure at the time if I was in labour. It was around 5am in the morning, I had gone downstairs into the kitchen with my husband as he was about to start work and I felt a trickle of something down my legs, I wasn’t sure if my waters had gone or if I had wet myself. We headed to Pinderfields hospital where they confirmed that my waters were still intact, so in fact, it had been an accident (embarrassing).
As it was so early in the morning, we hadn’t texted or rang anyone as we didn’t want to alarm them so we headed home and went back to bed (my husband sacked off the overtime.) I kept waking up with these feelings in my stomach, nothing painful, so I would go back to sleep once the feeling had gone.
Eventually, I realised that I was in fact, in labour.
From this moment on, my husband was by my side, utilising all of our hypnobirthing techniques. I wanted him to be really present and a part of the birth, apart from timing contractions on his phone he didn’t do go on other apps. I didn’t touch my phone either, I had no reason to, I was very focused on listening to my hypnobirthing tracks and getting into my own little bubble.
We stayed at home for a while, I got in and out of the bath, watched a few episodes of Friends and slept where I could. Eventually, we set off to the birth centre, I was convinced that they would tell me to go home as I wouldn’t be far enough along to stay there, I was fully expecting to be sent home. I told my husband:
“Don’t bother telling family that we are in labour, we will be coming home soon anyway”
Well, I was wrong…
My little family, 2 weeks after giving birth
I agreed to an examination to find out that I was 9cm dilated and would be giving birth soon, I was so shocked, I couldn’t believe it. From that moment on, I would not let my husband leave my side. He was so present, holding my hand, stroking my hair, telling me how amazing I was doing.
It never crossed either of our minds that we hadn’t told anyone I was giving birth.
We were so in the moment, in such a bubble, using all of my hypnobirthing techniques to keep me calm and focused. We were focusing on breathing, talking to each other, finding a comfortable position, thinking about meeting our baby, visualising, and soaking in the experience, nothing else mattered. I knew that I needed to work with my body and the best way to do that was to let go of everything around me and that included thinking about telling people that I was in labour.
I was in Pinderfields hospital for just over 3 hours before Lucy was born. The only people to know that she had entered the world, were me, my husband and our midwife. It was such a lovely feeling to have this little secret to ourselves for a few moments before we decided to share our new family with the world. As I write this, Ellie Goulding’s song ‘love me like you do’ has come on the radio and now I’m crying thinking about this moment, this time between my husband and I that will forever be engrained in my mind.
So, it was an accident…
We never intended to keep the fact that I was in labour a secret but
Here’s why I would do it again, why I wouldn’t tell anyone that I was in labour:
Neither I nor Chris felt any pressure whatsoever to keep people updated, to let them know what was going on.
I’m a natural worrier and I know that I would be worried that other people were worried about me being in labour, if that makes sense. I’m glad I never thought ‘my Mum must be so worried’
I’m glad that Chris never had to leave the room to make phone calls or be on his phone, he was fully present during the birth and with me at every step.
That moment when we FaceTimed my Mum and showed her Lucy was absolutely priceless. Her face, she couldn’t believe it.
Of course, keeping labour a secret isn’t for everyone and it’s not possible for some people
For those with children or pets that need looking after, it might not be possible to do this. It might not even be something that you want to do, you might want to shout from the rooftop ‘I’m in labour’ and tell everyone. There is no right or wrong here but personally, I am so pleased we was able to be in the moment without worrying about others. Even if you do decide to tell people, you might want to think about saying something along the lines of this to them, to allow you that time to also be present:
“We are in labour, we will let you know once the baby is here or if we need anything”
So what do you think? Will you tell people when you are in labour or will consider keeping it a secret too?
To read my full birth story and hear how I gave birth with my hypnobirthing techniques alone, click the button below:
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