Pregnancy Anxiety - My Story & Things That Helped Ease The Worry
Smiling through the pain of pregnancy anxiety.
TW - Talk of pregnancy anxiety and a high risk pregnancy - Please only read if you feel ok to do so. You can skip my story and scroll down straight to tips if you like.
I’ll never forget how I felt in this photo (below), walking around Legoland with my niece and nephew, hearing people laugh and scream with excitement whilst I was completely heartbroken inside.
This is the day after I was told that my pregnancy was deemed as extremely high risk and I’ve never felt so anxious and worried in my life.
But I plastered a smile on my face for the kids and walked around Legoland for 6 hours, wiping away silent tears every now and then, making sure that people couldn’t see.
I hid my little bump with a scarf because maybe I could just forget it all for the day but it consumed my every thought. I can see the pain in my eyes when I look at this photo, no one else will see it but I can because I know how tough this moment was.
But of course, in all the photos taken from then on (there aren’t many), I am smiling because I felt guilty every single second for not enjoying my pregnancy.
As soon as that label ‘high risk’ was said out loud to me at my 20 week scan, everything changed and for the next 18 weeks, I was riddled with pregnancy anxiety. There was no escape from it, I would be in meetings at work, staring into space thinking:
What did I do wrong?
What’s going to happen?
Why me?
And then I would feel guilty that I was spending so much time feeling so low and I would worry that I was damaging my baby. It was a vicious cycle.
The only relief I got was when I was asleep and even then, sometimes I would wake with night terrors. I knew I couldn’t continue feeling this way for another 20-plus weeks, it wasn’t healthy for me or my baby. I had to do something to help myself to feel better, even if it was just for a few moments.
So, I set about finding ways to help ease the pregnancy anxiety.
I’m going to be very honest, nothing got rid of it completely but a few things did help to ease these feelings and slowly, I started to feel a bit more like myself again.
I’m writing this blog, 5 years later because I know so many of you have the high risk label and I know how tough it can be. If you are reading this and you are suffering with pregnancy anxiety, I hope this blog post can help you in some way.
Whether you read it and take away some tips to help ease the worry or perhaps it just helps you to know that you aren’t alone, either way, I really do hope that it helps.
Please remember to speak with your GP or Midwife if you are concerned about the way you are feeling. Whilst I cannot offer medical advice, my inbox is always open if you would like a chat.
Things that helped to ease my pregnancy anxiety:
Pregnancy anxiety is more common than what you might think, according to Tommy’s it is estimated that 1 in 10 women will experience some sort of anxiety throughout their pregnancy
Whilst nothing completely got rid of the pregnancy anxiety, certain things did help to ease it and at times distract me from the emotional pain that I was in.
Here’s a list of the things that helped me the most with my pregnancy anxiety
1/ Talking about pregnancy anxiety
I quickly realised that keeping my feelings bottled up was making things worse. I started to speak with my husband and family about how I was feeling. Although no one could truly understand how I was feeling, this did help.
I actually found speaking with my hypnobirthing teacher the most beneficial thing, someone who wasn’t in the thick of it with me, who could listen and just be there. This is why I now offer after care once my clients have completed a course with me, it’s important to me that I am there to support you as much as I can even once your course has finished, I know how valuable a listening ear is.
2/ Journalling
As well as talking to other people, I found writing my thoughts and feelings down on paper so helpful. It was such a relief, I called it a brain dump, getting everything out of my head and onto paper felt a bit like free therapy. I’ve never shared these journal extracts with anyone and I don’t plan to, I probably won’t ever read them again but it helped me more than I could imagine it would.
3/ Listening to pregnancy relaxation / hypnobirthing tracks
Every day, I would sit and listen to a pregnancy relaxation / hypnobirthing track. The aim of listening to these was to build my confidence for birth at the same time as bonding with my unborn daughter. They would also help me to sleep which was great as I was really struggling to switch off my racing mind and relax. Take a look at my pregnancy relaxation essentials kit here which includes 2 downloadable pregnancy relaxation tracks for you to keep.
Access the pregnancy relaxation essentials kit (£19.99)
Helping you to feel calmer and relaxed during pregnancy.
Includes 2 x pregnancy relaxation tracks, journal prompts and a pack of positive birth affirmation cards.
4/ Preparing myself for a calm and confident birth
I remember being told that I wouldn’t be allowed to go beyond my due date, that I would be induced, I wouldn’t be able to give birth in water or in the birth centre.
All of this fuelled my anxiety but I was determined to have a positive and calm birth so I signed up to a hypnobirthing course. It was the best thing that I ever did, all of the techniques including breathing techniques and visualisations helped me during pregnancy but also helped me to have a calm and incredible birth. It was important to me that I ended this difficult pregnancy with a positive birth. You can take a look at my hypnobirthing courses here.
5/ Using positive affirmations
I knew that all of the anxiety that I was experiencing was in my mind so I set about filling my mind with positivity. I had no idea if it would work but I bought some positive birth affirmation cards and placed them all over the house so that I would see them all day, every day.
They were so powerful, at the time I wasn’t sure if they were working but during labour I said them to myself on repeat, they got me through some of the difficult contractions. You can find out what my top 5 positive birth affirmations are by clicking the image below
5 Positive Birth Affirmations
These were my favourite affirmations that I repeated to myself throughout labour
6/ Looking after myself and doing things that I enjoyed
Distraction tended to work well to take my mind off the anxiety. I found that whilst I was busy throughout the day, I would sometimes (not always) forget about things. So, I kept myself busy, working and planning in things that I enjoyed. Cinema trips, nice walks, meals with friends. I have to say that I found this a little hard as I did just want to be at home most of the time but the distraction did help when I felt up to it.
7/ Making sure to bond with my unborn baby
The anxiety that had taken complete control of my life, meant that I was struggling to bond with my unborn baby. So again, I made it my mission to make sure that I did 1 or 2 things a day to bond with my daughter. I have put together a list of bonding activities that I used during pregnancy here.
8/ Letting go of the guilt
This one was tricky, I felt guilty almost every day that I had done something wrong to cause the high risk label. I then felt guilty for feeling so worried all of the time and was sure it would have a negative impact on my baby.
One day, I just allowed myself to let go of the guilt and accept all of my emotions as valid. Sometimes, I would see other pregnant women and feel jealous that they were having a straight forward pregnancy (I had no idea if they were) and then I would feel guilty for feeling jealous. So, I made a deal with myself, I would accept all of my emotions and not judge myself. Journalling really helped me to do this.
All of these things combined did ease the feelings of worry but the pregnancy anxiety never fully went away.
I want you to know that if you are experiencing pregnancy anxiety, for whatever reason, that you are not alone, that your feelings are valid and that there is help out there. You can find more information about pregnancy anxiety over on the Tommy’s website, you can also contact your midwife or GP too.
I really hope that if you are in a similar position to what I was in that you find this blog post helpful.
Hannah x
